He didn't get where he is today by stealing somebody else's catchphrase.


If you lived or schooled in the Westcountry, you'll probably remember that great un-pc playground taunt that children used to say, "Can't read, can't write, but oi can droive a traaaactor". (Sorry, read with a blade of grass in your teeth). Whilst it was never proven, all school children used to believe the notion that for want of a better phrase, all young farmers were, well, retards. It was awful really and went to show just how cruel and bigoted schoolkids could be.

But were all adults now, so that couldn't be true at all, could it?

Well, yesterday, I went out. Being Father's Day, I decided to take mine out to a random pub in North Cornwall. The place was empty, bar a couple and five farmers, aged in their late 20's. However, on sitting down with one's beverage, you just couldn't take your ears off the fact that the five guys could not stop talking about who had the best tractor - how one would see the other off in his Massey Ferguson and how another guy could clear a field in the time that it took one of them to do just a few furrows. Wonderful stuff, the stuff that stereotypes are made of. You couldn't ignore it.

What bugged me, though, was the way these guys put their beer away. Not normally a big deal, unless of course you intend to drive. A somewhat bigger deal if you intend to drive something as big with the capacity to kill such as this:

I have my views on drink driving, namely that the alcohol limit should be reduced to virtually nothing and that offenders should be shot, but that's another story. However, I feel that in this circumstance I am going to support the retard line on the basis that nobody should be driving this after such a large amount of alcohol.

On my way home, I noticed at least three police cars hiding in lanes, ready to jump on those that insist on driving their way back after having a few, which was reassuring, at least. However, if this is your tractor and you did get caught on the way home, then you'll find me somewhat lacking in the sympathy department - you are a genuine retard.
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