He didn't get where he is today by stealing somebody else's catchphrase.

Nasty Niffs

After just ten months, my washing-machine has broken down. I was initially concerned, as the electrical retailer who sold me the thing no longer exists, but after a shedload of phone-calls and waiting for a week (praise be for the service-wash), an engineer arrived.

After a bit of manhandling, combined with some poking, prodding, tutting and sucking in air over his teeth, the engineer declared that things were not right. The machine needed some new parts, which he would install after another ten days. Again, hurrah for local launderettes.

Whilst he had been working away there was a strange smell, almost like something had gone off. As the machine hadn't been used for a week and stale water accumulated in the machine's outlet-pipe, I put the odour down to that.

Well, at least until he had left, anyway. The kitchen absolutely stank.

It transpired that my friendly repair-man had probably the worst case of flatulence known to man. I couldn't enter the kitchen. Instead, I opened some windows for a significant amount of time before re-entering. It was nothing short of foul and lingered for the best part of an hour.

I just hope it's not the same engineer that comes back next week, otherwise I shall be getting out the clothes pegs and air-fresheners..
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