He didn't get where he is today by stealing somebody else's catchphrase.

Murder On The Shop Floor

Once upon a time, I was a very large person - very large indeed. Buying clothes was nothing short of trauma. After a while, the realisation set in that I would have to do something, when one day I bought a pair of trousers that were huge - the sort of trousers that one usually would buy from The Very Tall or Very Fat Man Shop, apart from the obvious health consequences.

These days, I wear a more normal size. Well, at least as far as my waist is concerned...

...because I have very short legs. I ain't no circus act, but trousers with "short" legs are usually still too long - and if you go to a shop like Zara, where one length fits all, you actually end up cutting about 6 - 7 inches of material off when they're adjusted to my size - and such a removal ends up making the garment look a bit weird, because it usually tapers in at the base of the leg.

One or two retailers used to manufacture an "extra short" sizing. I used to shop at such places for the sheer comfort factor - it was bliss to actually just buy something and wear it, with no alteration. C&A, For all of their nastiness, were one of the few to accommodate us stumpies - more the shame when they pulled out of the UK.

Yesterday, I went to buy a pair of jeans. It took me approximately 10 shops to find a pair that:

a) Fitted. I have a tendency to look like a 10 year old in his first school uniform.
b) Didn't have my arse hanging out of them, like some skater dude. There's a relaxed fit - and there's indecent.
c) Weren't boot-cut. I mean, boot-cut on a really short person - do they make these for comedy value?
d) Were under fifty quid.
e) Hadn't been pelted by pebbles imported from Jupiter.

I just want some plain jeans that fit - is that too much to ask?

Anyway, congratulations to NEXT for actually delivering the goods. Jeez, that's three hours of my life, gone.
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