He didn't get where he is today by stealing somebody else's catchphrase.

Nailing jelly to a wall.

A lovely phrase, it sums up my experiences in the last couple days, but could also used as a way of describing how impossible it can be to actually get a tradesperson (carpenter, electrician, plumber, etc...) to actually do anything.

Here's an example.

I get an electrician to come to my house and give me a quote (of the electrical sort, that is - hearing Shakespeare being delivered by some nasal ex-Essex boy with a voice like Henry's Cat really isn't my thing). He proceeds to tell me that I need the equivalent of brain surgery performing on my electrical system and a few days later, a quote of the monetary sort drops through the door. It's not a nice number on the quote, but if that's what needs to be done, that's what needs to be done, so I phone him and try and book an appointment. As always, tradesmen are busy people and so I am told that I shall have to wait three and a half weeks. Irritating as it is, I book him up.

Then I wait three and a half weeks, give or take a day. The day before he's due to come, I get a phone-call, stating that he cannot make it, as his colleague broke his leg playing football. Perhaps you can understand my loathing of the game a little more now. "Nothing but overpaid arseholes kicking around a bag of wind", said someone close to me. So true. It still makes me chuckle when I think of it.

Anyway, I digress.

I then try and book in someone else. He's a nice chap, gives me a quote on the spot for something that isn't brain surgery and proportionally, a quarter of the price. Good stuff. I book him in to come along in a matter of days.

15 minutes after he was supposed to arrive, I'm told me that he couldn't get the parts he needed (nice cliché, there) when he tried two days beforehand - so I've wasted an evening waiting around for someone who knew days before that they wouldn't be able to make it. Taa muchly. Make mine a pot noodle and wasted night for one.

I'm trying again for Wednesday, but I'm starting to feel like a very ineffectual hammer, with a rubber nail, trying to nail up some electrician flavoured jelly. (What colour is electrician flavoured jelly?)

As a random point, someone has tried to nail jelly to a wall, in almost scientific style. You can read about their experiments here (*clicky*). It's thoroughly educational stuff and it answers many, many questions.
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